somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
