Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize