i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
