I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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