Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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