I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
