She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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