I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
