This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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