Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
