therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
