I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it hurts more in the daytime
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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