thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
