So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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