How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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