I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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