Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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