Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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