dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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