Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
