Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
