She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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