Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
