i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
