At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
