he referred to my room as the tit cave...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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