so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
