If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
