I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
