SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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