It's like God shit irony all over that family
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
