There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
