I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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