bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So many bounce houses so little time
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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