My friends, they love my intelligence
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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