he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
