Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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