I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
