idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
