Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Randomize
