I like to think it a success when the cops are called
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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