In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Randomize
