Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
