You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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