The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
