She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
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I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
So squirting runs in the family.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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