I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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