So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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