I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i drank out of a bidet.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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