i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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