my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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