does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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