booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize