Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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