great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
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Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
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Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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