You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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