its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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