No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
