Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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