i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
