i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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