She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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