I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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