I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
