was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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