I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
