You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
