How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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