Having a random hookup so left but love u
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
