the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
