i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
