Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
