Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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