I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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