So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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