Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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