I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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