So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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