recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
